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The Stages
[overview]
PICK ONE
• birth of a child • your wedding day • your new home
• witnessing the first steps a child takes • retirement •
• falling in love • graduation day •
•landing your dream job • winning the lottery •
All great examples of good days, happy days; anniversaries worth celebrating.
But. You know there is a yang to every yin in life. There is a night for every day, shadows for every ray of light, cold for the lack of heat? Allow me to add one more to the list of events worthy of annual celebrations:
• grief •
Grief is universal and inevitable.
At some point, everyone will have at least one encounter with some form of anguish, unhappiness. It may be terminal illness, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, the closure of a relationship, or any other change that unpleasantly alters your life.
• terminal • death • loss • closure •
Grief will always be personal.
Grief is not very neat or linear.
Grief does not follow timelines nor a schedule.
Grief is yours and no one else; singular.
Studying grief has led to the development of processes in order to assist in dealing of personal anguish. Not a cure. More of a compromise with sorrow. Of sorts. A temporary stay of action until we meet again under a different name.
There were two popular studies designed to help us resolve our particular agony. First there was a progression of five ‘stages of acceptance’. This was soon followed, and now co-exists with a field study showing the need for seven “stages of acceptance”; seven stages supported the idea that by offering more options one would adjust to grief better, and to encourage acceptance and resolution.
Clinically both worked. Well, at least for those who are now happy.
Five Stages of Acceptance:
Denial • Anger • Bargaining • Depression • Acceptance
Seven Stages of Acceptance:
• Shock & Denial • Pain & Guilt • Anger & Bargaining • Depression •
• Upward Turn • Reconstruction • Acceptance & Hope •
I personally found the process of following seven stages of acceptance had worked better for me. However, I eliminated the step called ‘Upward Turn’. Since I have rarely experienced any reason to expect any. I have resolved that I will just remove that rung. Like most protagonists in any debate, I will, therefore, offer yet a third method to obtain acceptance to grief Six Stages of Acceptance. Exactly like the Seven Stage theory minus one of its quantities.
Plagiarism? Or just resolution by convenience. Or, whatever ‘floats your boat’, and keeps you dry,
I, therefore, offer you six stories; one for each stage. Each narrative will provide a process and an ending that you will then use to determine if it satisfied that level of acceptance. Be kind with my interpretations. They are intended to be open ended with many possible alternate choices.
One last comment about the missing stage, ‘Upward Turn’.
‘Upward Turn’ has been defined as the point in the processing of grief when you finally start to feel like life can be better again. That you will begin to feel less pain, less guilt, and hopefully less depression.
Hogwash! [note: hogwash is defined as a 15th century term describing kitchen “swill for pigs”, another words, garbage.]
Sorry. I accept the fact there might be some of you who are able to still be friends with the spouse you divorced. [I can’t even remember what mine looks like]. So, for me, there will be no Upward Turn, no release in pain, or guilt or loss of memory of the event or obstacle. I will reconstruct in spite of this shortfall. Glitch? I will, however, attain renewed hope. But, I certainly will never have a moment of an Upward Turn.
We will survive.
I believe you can hopscotch your way through any process of acceptance. Have fun jumping from one step to another in no specific order. Since we are sharing our common air with a collection of crazy people [not you dear reader, of course], modeling our acceptance process will necessarily reflect on an individual’s experience of that moment. As emotions tend to come and go, ebb and rise, you may decide to miss a stage. Feel free to come back to it later, if you want to.
• ‘Not a problem’ • ‘No worries’ • ‘Have a blessed day’ •
Have fun healing. Be colorful, experimental.
This will be an excellent Segway to Stage Five’s narrative. Of all the narratives, you will find Stage Five a bit off the “beaten path”, a bit diverse from the norm. So, for that reason, allow me to digress for a moment and explain its intentions and means to establish them.
To begin, there is a word listed in Webster’s book of terms.
• Hedonism •
It has a bunch of cool descriptive definitions:
• self-indulgent • pleasure seeking • debauched •
• profligate • epicurean • decadent •
Now consider Dogs as one of them.
What better example of a creature do we know of that is so totally hedonistic than a dog? That was meant to be rhetorical.
There are individuals who love to use the spiritual tag reminding us that ‘dog’ spells ‘god’ backwards. Oh, give me a break. What god shits on your rug at 2 am? Again, rhetorical.
If we reference the definition of hedonism, who can deny any dog not being described as having those characteristics of an epicurean being? [For this narrative, the word “being” will be used to describe our best friend.]
Even when leashed these beloved beasts will allow their wits to roam the earth around them in absolutely no cosmic order. Their heads define the true meaning of chaos; a north seeking compass needle finding more way-points than there are degrees in a circle. The human might tug on their leash to get them from point A to B, but their brain is finding destinations you cannot even begin to imagine exist in your personal space. Their auditory and olfactory senses, and any other sixth sense attributes that may be embedded in that being, are fully focused on everything and all at once.
Dogs are hedonistic.
Because of this attribute, I have afforded these wonderful creatures Stage Five’s narrative; Reconstruction.
Who better could have been given the task of redefining a world that should be fun to live in. Even when they are refused their earned treat, they will still find it in their heart to lick you with love. They trust us implicitly and completely; although not always the wisest thing to do. To accomplish this task, to have the ability to find a path to reconstruction, they are the best example of renewed hope. They could possibly be considered my ‘Upward Turn’.
Charles/Charlie
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